Principals of Sex based on the Bible, the Holy Word of God:
1. Sex in marriage is pure and holy.
A. It was created by God before sin entered the picture.
- God called it "very good' in Genesis 1:31
B. After sin and fall of man, God still called it good and honorable.
- Hebrews 13:4
C. Any other view is a sinful view.
Ex. "Nice girls don't have sex. That's dirty." Married couples deciding not to sleep together.
D. Sexual relations in marriage are just as holy as praying, reading the Bible, tithing, praying with someone, teaching a Sunday school class.
2. Sex is not the basis of marriage and marriage is not first and foremost a physical union.
A. Jesus settled this issue with the woman at the well in John 4:16-18.
- The woman at the well was having sex with a man she was living who was not her husband. She had a husband though. But, having sex with the other man did not make her married to him. It goes the other way as well. Having sex with someone does not make you married to them. Having sex with someone does not mean you have to marry them either.
B. But sex is still important.
- Not to participate wholeheartedly, aggressively and passionately is SIN.
-Being passive in sex with your spouse is selfish and not serving.
C. Sex is very important but not the most important part.
-Marriage is not based on sexual success.
-Unity in marriage is more than sex.
-A good marital relationship is the key to the most delightful sexual relationship. (No reason to feel guilt. Freeing.)
3. The primary goal of sex is giving, providing sexual satisfaction for spouse. (DEFINITELY NOT TAUGHT IN OUR CULTURE, EVEN OUR CHURCHES). It seems to be all about what you're not getting in sex.
A. Taught by God in 1 Corinthians 7:2-4
-1 Corinthians 6:15-7:9 teaches about sex in marriage.
-This is a COMMAND by God, not an encouragement.
-The same command is given to BOTH wife and husband.
-Each is given the duty of keeping the other sexually satisfied.
B. Taught by definition of love- giving. (NOT giving to get).
-John 3:16 (For God so loved the world that He GAVE); Ephesians 5:25; 1 Corinthians 13
-Jesus said the greatest pleasure is giving (Acts 20:35)
C. This principle opposes:
- Pornography - (This is a childish view of sex)
-Masterbation - (Satisfying self NOT spouse). This turns into habits for alot of people. It gets them into the habitual mindset of fantasies they create all for their satisfaction. When people get married, they then have someone to control to get their desires met like in their fantasies.
-Homosexuality - all about self. Initially having the motive to please their partner, but because homosexuality is opposing the way God created male and female, it is all about self and not about God. God is definitely not on the throne.
D. The goal of sexual relations is satisfying your spouse.
-May or may not include climax. (Husbands and wives should be on guard of their motives because they could be manipulating their spouse.)
E. Difficulties with this principle:
-Physical change needed for husband to function.
-Society teaches it occurs from anticipation of pleasure recieved from the change.
-Bible teaches it comes from anticipation of giving pleasure. (Never thought about that one!)
-We must relearn our understanding of this principle according to the way God planned it.
-"But that is not my nature!" - God's word should be your guide, not your nature.
-"How do I know what pleases my mate?" - COMMUNICATION. Make a list of what pleases you and give it to your spouse. But as soon as you give it to them, you are giving up any expectation of recieving anything on that list. You then make it your goal to please your spouse.
4. God has created both husband and wife with equal ability to satisfy each other - 1 Corinthians 7:4.
-Because God is a Sovereign God, He would not give you the wrong spouse. That spouse was given to you by God, and once you commit to enter into a Holy covenant with them into marriage, you are One.
A. God gave the same principle to each.
B. Each one is to use the body to satisfy his spouse, not himself. (Christ never served himself).
C. God gave each the same command, then each must have the same or equal ability to obey.
D. This means that both hus. and wife are to be aggressive in sexual relationships.
E. Difficulties with this principle:
- "We have different levels of desire" - Having diff. levels of desire are learned behaviors.
- "But what if it's not learned, but the way we were made?" - The guideline here is not level of desire, but God's word.
- "Oversexed" or "undersexed" - both say God made a mistake. The problem is not how you are made, but your willingness to obey God in serving them.
5. Pleasure in sex is not sinful and forbidden but is rather assured and encouraged. - Proverbs 5:18-19
A. Delight in the person - not just in their sexual parts
-That passage refers to the wife too, - either mate
- It's a picture of pleasantness of your spouse.
- Your BEST friend.
- Desire for her companionship as a person, more than a sexual partner.
B. Delight in the sexual relationship.
- "breasts" signifies sex.
- the word "wife" used in the passage, teaches that real sexual delight can be found only in marriage.
- "Satisfy" - thirst quenched, completely satisfied.
-"ravished"- intoxicated, overwhelmed with satisfaction.
-When put with 1 Cor. 7:3,4, each to completely satisfy the other - should be a delightful task.
6. Sexual relations are to be continuous. - 1 Corinthians 7:5
A. Deprive or defraud means to withhold through deceit or dishonesty.
- withholding sex from each other for selfish, dishonest reasons.
B. When there is abstinence it is by mutual consent.
C. 4 Biblical guidelines for refraining (in this passage)
D. How Often should a husband and wife have sex?
- Enough to keep each other satisfied
- Enough to avoid temptation!!
Resource options: Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow
Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God by C. J. Mahaney
Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat
Biblical Principles of Sex by Bob Smith
Ill share more later about the Biblical principles of Marriage. That took a long time to type!
6 comments:
Wow, I have to say when I first clicked on this I thought "wait, what blog am I reading" :) This was a great, informative post. I am blessed to say that I know this now but at one point in my life I didn't! Way to share it and not be embarrassed by it.
Wow, for the second time... never seen that one coming. I like everything that was stated. You seemed to have hit most areas in a respectful way. I think it does help take a lot of what we view worldly out of the picture and brings in back to Gods view. Good JOb.
thanks for the feedback on that one. God's Word needs to be pointed out esp. on sex b/c it is horrifically used in our world!! Ive been down that awful mushy path of many unanswered unclear things of that topic and made mistakes I might not have if I'd heard what God had to say about it!
is that Luke who posted by the way?
That sounds like the type of lesson I want to attend. I like the in-depthness of which this seemed to be covered. I'm still in the middle of looking for a new group of people here in Kansas City with which to do this.
Additionally, I think that there is a lot of goodness in this post. It covers many many areas in the kind of detail most people/pastors/speakers do not ever go into. Thanks for sharing.
There is a great book by John Piper called the dangerous duty of delight. It's main point is that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied. I love that God wants us to enjoy life, and sex!
Brian,
That is exactly why i wrote this...I couldn't believe some of the things that were pulled out of scripure that were so new to me! I HAD to share. That's the purpose of this blog....to be a blessing to others to help spur them on toward LOVE and Good deeds....and to find hope in Jesus. And, to glorify God of course. :)
Whoever you are anonymous, I was given The D. Duty of Delight by a friend a couple years ago, and finally read it last year. It helped clear up so much about why we do things we do.
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